Heartbroke Mother Asks God - Why Would You Leave Me Here and Take My Babies?
CBN.com -As a neo-natal nurse, Charmeshia Wren has shared in a mother’s joy at having a healthy baby. She’s also felt their pain when their newborn’s life hangs in the balance. “I used to work in a hospital that took care of low income, homeless and drug addicted babies and things of that nature. It made me even more appreciate the life and know that if a baby made it, it's because God has a plan for that baby's life.”
Charmeshia knows all too well that some don’t make it. In 2012 her daughter Olivia died shortly after birth. “It was a shock when I first saw her, you know, because she looked just like me. I told God, I said, ‘I don’t understand why You would leave me here and take my baby. You could have taken me and left her here.’”
But this wasn’t the first time Charmeshia and her husband Chris felt the pain of losing a baby. In fact, it had happened three times before. She remembers surprising Chris when she became pregnant with their first child. “You see it so many times on the movies. But that’s what I did. I just showed him the stick. I said, ‘Oh, it's time for us to do some talking about what we're going to do with the guest room.’"
Before they could even pick out a crib, Charmeshia miscarried in her first trimester. Chris tried to reassure her. “He was OK, ya know? He was like, ‘We’ll just try again.’”
They did and were expecting twin boys. They lost both of them. Chris shares the story. Chris says, “The twins was very tough because we came up with the names, you know, Joshua, Caleb. Caleb came out. He was actually alive. And so they gave me Caleb and I held onto him and he was moving around in my arms. Felt his heart beating. And then you see heartbeat going slower and slower and slower until he eventually passed.”
Charmeshia continues, “Chris and I we grieved and we grieved together and during that time we didn’t anticipate getting pregnant again. It just happened, two months later actually, we were pregnant again.”
They named their daughter Olivia and hoped this time would be different. It was a girl, Olivia. But doctors warned them, something was wrong. “The hospital had prepared us because her kidneys didn’t form and her heart was so badly deformed.”
The same thing happened with Caleb and Joshua. Charmeshia shares, “What they had was called Potters Syndrome. I was told by my O.B., ‘sometimes this happens but you have,’ what did she say, ‘one in a million chance of this happening again.’ And it happened again.”
She carried Olivia full term but the baby lived only 20 minutes. Charmeshia fell into a deep depression, and any grip she had left on her faith was slipping. “It was a dark place. I felt lost. I would try to pray and read my Bible. But I was still sad. I was very angry for a while there.”
Chris could see she was struggling. “Basically she was to the point where she didn't want to hear anything about God.”
She didn’t want to live either. Chris knew it was worse than he thought. “I came home from work one day and she told me that she was thinking about writing me a letter ending her life.”
They managed to make it through the day. The next morning, Chris hesitated to leave his wife alone. He says, “The Lord just kind of gave me a peace that it's going to ultimately be okay.”
After Chris left, Charmeshia started watching television. She came across
The 700 Club. Pat Robertson was talking about grief.
Pat Robertson: “If you’ve lost a loved one, the grief can be unimaginable but just remember, if that loved one’s with Jesus, he or she is happier than anything than you could possibly dream and there will be great reunions in heaven.”
Then he prayed.
Pat Robertson: “Father, in this audience there are people who are suffering grief. They have lost a loved one. They have lost a child and they hurt. Receive an answer to your prayer. May the peace of God flood you now. ‘My peace I give unto you. Not as the world gives,’ Jesus said, ‘but I give you my peace. The peace that passes understanding shall keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.’ In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
Charmeshia was touched with his encouragement and prayer. “And I gave God praise and such a spirit of heaviness was lifted off of me. Chris came home and I was smiling. And he was like, “Yeah, I can tell you had a really good day didn't you?"
And she said, “Yeah, I did." and I told him about The 700 Club. A week or so went by and I wanted to go to church. And he’s like, ‘you sure?’ And I’m like, ‘I'm ready.’”
She was also ready to let go of her anger toward God. In time she did.
Charmeshia was now free. “And once I began to really worship God and really seek His face, His presence just gave me a peace.”
Charmeshia says God does much more than just help you cope with your pain. “Jesus said that He'll wipe away every tear. I'm healed. I'm made whole again.”